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When You’re A Malay….But Not Really.

The further I step out of my Malayness, the more I appreciate my heritage and culture. I don’t wish to turn into a ‘fake’ blondie (Asian with dyed blonde hair who tries to behave Western by clubbing and getting ‘pissed, and thinks they’re soo ‘open-minded’, but it really just goes to show how ‘shallow-minded they are).

I love being Asian, and being Malay, and I want to embrace that.

Norwegian Wood (Vintage East)


MissMidori

Heritage-wise, I am Malay.

I wear ‘baju kurung’ (the official traditional wear for Malay women), I speak Malay and celebrate all the occasions that Muslims/Malays in Malaysia celebrate.

But throughout my life, I’ve never really fit in with Malays.

If you want me to be honest, I’ve never truly felt belonged.

If you want me to be even more frank, I don’t trust Malays. (in general)

I trust my instincts, and with Malays, I’ve always felt that, subsconsciously they want everyone else to drop dead and fail.

I don’t trust that Malays have my best interest at heart – except for very few whom I consider my close friends – who are not the typical Malay sort, anyways.

I grew up discovering more and more things about the Malay society that I disagreed with. I hated stereotypical Malays – and tried my best to behave and think differently, to be more than what society expects me to be.

But then, mixing with people from other cultures, I find myself longing to be in the company of Malays; I’ve not been speaking Malay since the start of the year, and I really miss it.😦

The further I step out of my Malayness, the more I appreciate my heritage and culture. I don’t wish to turn into a ‘fake’ blondie (Asian with dyed blonde hair who tries to behave Western by clubbing and getting ‘pissed, and thinks they’re soo ‘open-minded’, but it really just goes to show how ‘shallow-minded they are).

I love being Asian, and being Malay, and I want to embrace that.

Truthfully, it’s so difficult to find Malays whom I can click with; usually there’s a sense of distance between us, like we’re not truly on the same wavelength. All these years, I tried so hard to mix with Malays, but I don’t think they’ve ever really accepted me. Now, I’m slowly giving up and becoming closer to those who are interested to get to know me…

You know, if finding Malays to be friends is difficult enough, no wonder I haven’t had much success with finding a Malay boyfriend! With a significant other, it is all the more important that you share the same mindset and lifestyles, but most of the Malay guys I know….well, there’s just something ‘off’; like we’re not aiming for the same direction, or having the same priorities and beliefs of how society should work.

Why was I so insisting on dating Malays, anyways? What was so great about having ‘sawo-matang’ skin tone?

I understand now what’s most important; skin colour is no longer high up on the list.

However, it needs to be said, that although I accept that I may fit in better with people from other parts of the world, I am still a Malay, and will always root for my people.

I wear my ‘baju kurung’ with pride.🙂

P.S. I find it really sad that the only way I could feel Malay here, is either by calling my mom on YM. Or listening to Malay songs. Like this one.😉

I’m cheesy, I know! Lol.

Posted by: missmidori on: March 8, 2009

http://midorimemoirs.wordpress.com/

Filed under: Malay Dilema

2 Responses

  1. peacebuy says:

    Miss Midori,

    If you don’t have these characteristics:

    ‘PHD’ – ‘Perasaan Hasad Dengki’
    ‘GRC’ – ‘Get Rich Quick’
    ‘Think Tank, Ping Pang Trackball URL’ brain
    ‘Judge the Cover’ by $$$
    ‘KKK’ – Kumpulan Krazy Karoeke

    …emmm, sorry to inform,
    you are just…. another ‘Malay by name’...:(

    peacebuy

  2. acai says:

    Nice article read

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